Tag: Acceptance

Most Valuable Lesson We Can Learn In Life

Susie Lee2 Comments

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One of the most valuable lessons we can learn in life is how to love other people unconditionally. This doesn’t mean we condone a destructive behaviour but it does mean loving them with no strings attached – it means seeing them beyond their actions. So instead of being frustrated by their behaviour, or hurt by their actions, or offended by how they are, we’d save ourselves a lot of heartache by learning to love them where they’re at – happy, sad, upset, and even angry. Being hurt or offended by how they are will only cause more pain, misery, misunderstanding, and create distance.

We’re all a work in progress and are in desperate need of a daily transformation – to grow and live beyond our mistakes, hangups, and pain. We need each other to reach our full potential, see beyond the present, and discover how to love one another. When we feel genuine acceptance and compassion, true transformation begins to take work within us, and so with them. We need to envelop ourselves with love and then extend that grace to others, especially to those who are hurting, frustrated, angry, and lonely.

©2014 Susie Lee

Flawed & Fabulous.

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Flawed and Fabulous

Exercise the greatest charity.

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The Greatest Charity

Living under the shadow of not being good enough

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Good Enough. Believe it.

Whether you’re a spouse, friend, parent or child, you may sometimes feels as though you’re not good enough because of how they treat you or how they say things to you. As a result you may feel insecure, insignificant or inadequate when you’re around them. And eventually fear will slowly begin to set in and you’ll try everything in your power to be ‘enough’ for them. But unfortunately your actions, motives, and thoughts will be driven by fear instead of coming from a place of love, freedom, and security. You wonder if you’re enough, you wonder if you’re making them happy, and overtime, you subconsciously begin to hide your true identity for fear of rejection or conflict. Often, you’ll feel like a hamster spinning frantically on its wheel but not going anywhere. At the end of it you’re exhausted, frustrated, and discouraged. And you bitterly realize your efforts are still not enough. You’re not enough.

The hard reality is you can be perfect and meet all their expectations but there’ll always be something that’s lacking in the eyes of the beholder because they’ll always find something else to be unhappy about. So stop trying. I repeat, s-t-o-p! You’re efforts are commendably futile.

Sometimes, people have a way of making you feel small or unimportant because it’s a reflection of what they feel about themselves or what lies within their own hearts. Perhaps they feel insecure or they have trouble loving and accepting themselves or maybe it’s just simply their expectations being placed on you. So remember, how they treat you is NOT a reflection of who you are but rather a reflection of who they are. Unconsciously, it’s how they see themselves and unfortunately they’re projecting this reality onto others, especially those closest to them.

You can’t live for others, at some point you have to start living and loving yourself. Once you begin to love and accept yourself, your confidence and strength will naturally diminish your fear and insecurity of not being good enough. Nothing or nobody will be able to bruise your self-confidence and make you feel unworthy. You’ll be in control of your feelings and you’ll empower your own life choices. You’ll no longer be dictated by what others think, say or do to you. You’ll be immune to their self-destructive ways because you see yourself through your eyes rather than through the eyes of what others think of you. Once you let go of pleasing people, you’ll begin to operate from a place of abundant joy and freedom.

The truth is you ARE enough, more than enough. You’re a beautiful, bright, brilliant and awe-inspiring human being. And yes you’re flawed but in your own perfect way it’s what makes you unique, unmatched and unparalleled to anyone in the history of mankind. Remember, believe and live as though you’re always enough… more than enough. Always.

© 2013 Susie Lee

Loving Without Condoning Poor Behavior

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It’s Saturday and you wake up to a beautiful sunny morning.  You’re looking forward to an unplanned day filled with endless possibilities.  You’re happy and rested.  Suddenly out of left field you’re smacked with a curve ball on the side of your head with a rant of accusations by a frustrated loved one.  All before stepping out of bed.

A few weeks ago, I wrote an article on Acceptance | One of the Hardest Things to Do.  And I asked myself ‘Where do you draw the line between accepting the person without condoning their ‘off the handle’ behavior?’  Accepting them for who they are does not mean you have to agree with their behavior.  In fact, tough love will require you to have the courage to confront.  The key factor to confrontation is that your intentions need to come from a place of love and the well being for that person rather than from a place of anger or spite.  And even with your best intentions, it may still be received with defensiveness, anger, resistance, or withdrawal.

It’s natural for us to protect ourselves and take the path of the least resistant and remain silent.  But overtime, your inner fuming and staying bitter towards them will harm you.  Never make the assumption they’ll pick up on your silent cues and magically put the pieces together, or that they’ll feel remorseful for their actions and take the first step towards reconciliation.  They’re not mind readers, they can see you’re upset but they won’t necessarily know why you’re upset.  Plus they’re still probably upset themselves and wondering why you haven’t figured it out.  This will only create more distance between the both of you and at this point, become a battle of wills.  So take the initiative to clearly and objectively communicate what you’re seeing, experiencing and feeling.

It’s also good to keep in mind, that people’s frustrations usually stem out of their own personal issues, inner hurts or past woundings.  So it’s not you, your actions or words that necessarily trigger them but a hurt, resentment, bitterness that might already be within their hearts.  But if they’re not aware of this, they’ll think it’s you and blame you for how they’re feeling.  With this in mind, it’s easier to be patient with them as you walk beside them in their journey.

Since these hurricane days come when you least expect it, it’s emotionally difficult to brace for it.  Loving the person without condoning their poor behavior is very hard to practice.  But it’s possible with compassion, courage, love and truth.  After all you’ve said and done, ultimately it’s up to them to choose what they want to do with it.  My hope is that they’ll see the love behind your words, take responsibility for their feelings and move toward healthy steps for improvement.

© 2012 Susie Lee

Acceptance :: One of the Hardest Things

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Tom has the tendency to have a pessimistic outlook in life.  Stacy gets defensive and takes things personally.  Susan is usually consumed with her own problems that she fails to see the needs of other’s around her.  David is frugal with his money, time and affection.  Darcy is rude, inconsiderate and holds on to grudges.  Charlie is suspicious and thinks the worst of everyone.

You may have encountered some of these fictional characters in real life or may be living under the same roof with one.  At some point in time, you may have secretly (or openly) wished they were better, different, exciting, spontaneous, funny, or outgoing.  How do we reconcile our feelings with the reality of ‘this is the way they are’?  In this article, I’m going to write about one of the hardest things to do in life but an essential component in relationships:  Accepting the other person for who they are.  I mean truly accepting them without any unconscious intentions to try to change them, even for the better.

I believe one of the reasons it’s hard to accept another person for who they are is because we have a natural tendency to filter people’s actions, behavior and personality, through our own life experiences, upbringing and perspective.  It’s through this paradigm we view the world and the people in it.  And when they don’t ‘fit’ into our worldview box we come up against feelings of frustration, agitation, or unhappiness.  And unless we change the way we think, give up our ‘only-best-right way’ attitude, shift our paradigm, alter our perspective, this mountain will remain impossible to climb.  So how do we do this?

Like most things in life, we always have a choice.  In this case, we can choose to accept or change the person or walk away.  In accepting the person with their ‘flaws’ we let go of control, experience a peace of mind, invite harmony into the relationship and see the bigger picture of life.  On the other hand, if you’re determined to change them you’ll end up on a dead end road of frustration and a battle of wills.  But if the first two options are not feasible or working out for you the way you’d like, then the third option might be the best solution for the both of you.

The irony of trying to change someone is that it is us who changes, for the worse.  Let me explain, your decision will ultimately affect you.  If you choose to accept someone for who they are, the possible benefits you’ll reap will be having more patience, peace, freedom, compassion, and unity.  But the consequences of trying to change someone will cripple you with cynicism, negativity, unwillingness, bitterness, anger, or resentment.  This change in you won’t happen overnight but over a period of time.

My motto lately for acceptance has been, “Life’s too short.”  Life’s too short to fuss and fume. Too short to stay upset and hold a grudge.  Too short to point the finger and accuse.  Too short to be miserable because the person is not what they’re ‘suppose’ to be.  Too short to believe the myth I’d be happier if they changed.  Ultimately what I’m demanding them to be is a mirrored image of myself.  And I guarantee eventually I’ll find a flaw or two.

Of course, there are exceptions to every case; you don’t want to condone destructive habits or abusive behavior.  Tough love will call for a change and for a period of time, you may need to love them from a distance while they get the help they need.

One of the key ways in accepting another person is through appreciation.  Focus on the good qualities they already possess – strengths, positive character traits, accomplishments, their hopes and dreams.  Then share this admiration to the person genuinely without expecting anything in return.  I believe this seed of authentic appreciation and unconditional acceptance will blossom into something beautiful in them.  And please don’t be hurt or offended if they don’t appreciate your appreciation, this is bound to happen.  Mainly, you have to do it for yourself, your peace of mind, sanity, and happiness.  And my hope is that one day you’ll also experience the same unconditional acceptance you showed to others.  Making this world a beautiful place to live in.

©2012 Susie Lee

Food for Thought ::
“Strive to be patient; bear with the faults and frailties of others, for you, too, have many faults which others have to bear.  If you cannot mould yourself as you would wish, how can you expect other people to be entirely to your liking?  For we require other people to be perfect, but do not correct our own faults.
We wish to see others severely reprimanded; yet we are unwilling to be corrected ourselves.  We wish to restrict the liberty of others, but are not willing to be denied anything ourselves.  We wish others to be bound by rules, yet we will not let ourselves be bound.  It is amply evident, therefore, that we seldom consider our neighbor in the same light as ourselves…”
-The Imitation of Christ pg. 44

Quotes ::
You take people as far as they will go,
not as far as you would like them to go.
-Jeannette Rankin

Whenever two people meet there are really six people present.
There is each man as he sees himself, each man as the other person sees him,
and each man as he really is.
-William James

Being happy doesn’t mean that everything is perfect.
It means that you’ve decided to look beyond the imperfections.
-Unknown

When you find peace within yourself,
you become the kind of person who can live at peace with others.
-Peace Pilgrim